Thank you

This post is dedicated to someone who will probably never read it (let alone understand it) and thus might seem kind of pointless. However, it's been bugging at me for a while now and I think that getting it out in the open and off my chest is one thing that might actually make me feel better.

So....

To you, Mr. Anonymous:

Even though it's been almost a year since we broke up, I have to admit that you have been on my mind lately... And I mean that in the most contemptuous way possible. I neither miss you nor like you, and I certainly don't give a rat's arse about your well being. Even in a million years, I would rather stick pins in my eyes than consider taking you back. That being said, even though I have no feelings for you, I do have feelings about you -- namely a surge of throbbing rage every time I picture your ugly face or think about the heinous things you did.

You might think it's a little late, ranting about things nearly a year after they've happened, but the only plausible reason I have to explain my somewhat delayed reaction is that at the time those things happened, I was simply too weak and too passive to confront you. All I did was stand by, crying and moaning, wallowing in my own self-pity, blaming myself, like a loser... Constantly wondering what it was she had that I didn't, trying to figure out just what it was that made me so unattractive to you...

And now I realise that there was nothing wrong with me at all. In fact, what was wrong was (and still is) YOU. You were the problem, and you will always be the problem, and that problem is quite simple: You are an arsehole and a lying scumbag who wouldn't know a good thing even if it came up and smacked you in the face. I was (and still am) a perfectly decent person, entirely capable of being a good partner. I was never a burden to you. I was never restrictive, demanding, or controlling. I worked two jobs to support myself and you, paid all the rent for the apartment that we shared, bought the food and household items, and still came home every day to cook and clean for your sorry arse. I was so good to you, and you took advantage of that. You drained me mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially. Shame on you for being such a pathetic lowlife, but even more so shame on me for falling for your dirty tricks time and time again.

But the funny thing is even though you put me through such emotional misery with your mind games, cheating, and months of outright shameless lies, I'm actually somewhat thankful to you now. Don't get me wrong.. This doesn't mean that I don't still hate you, because I do. Quite frankly, I loathe you. I despise everything about you, and everything that you did to me, and I still take every opportunity to swear and spit curses on your despicable head. But as the saying goes, every cloud has a silver lining. And suffice to say, the huge, dark, ugly monstrosity of a storm cloud that you cast over my life lingered for a long time indeed. Almost a year, in fact. But now I'm finally beginning to see the silver lining of it.

You see, now I am with someone who is truly amazing. And, thanks to you, I know how to better appreciate him. I appreciate the way he doesn't jump at every opportunity to make me feel bad over the littlest of things. I appreciate the fact that he doesn't get angry when I ask him how his day was. I appreciate how he doesn't berate me for going to surprise him at work with food and gifts. I'm thankful that he isn't a stubborn prick who insists that only his way is the right way to do something. I love that he makes a huge effort to understand me, despite our cultural differences. I cannot thank him enough for being patient, kind, and respectful, and for always making time for me, no matter what. And I am truly grateful for how much happiness he has brought into my life.

So... Ironic as it may sound, thank you for being an arsehole. Because of you, Mr. Anonymous, I am finally learning to appreciate the smaller things in life that I used to take for granted. I'm learning to make the best out of the simple things that he and I have now because I've learned from all of those mistakes with you in the past.

This may be the only time that I ever thank you for anything, because in my opinion you are not deserving of any gratitude or happiness that I have to share. But if there was one good thing that came out of the two years of my life that you wasted, this would be it.

So thank you, and good riddance.